Poems and Prose by Melissa Balmain


Spinach Can Send Emails Now...  in Rattle

Sidewalk Face-Off, The Sheltering Suburbanite to Her Neighbor, and Thin Blue Logic in The American Bystander (For more of my pandemic-themed poems, go here.)

Niagara Overlook (Winner of 2020 Poetry by the Sea Sonnet Contest)

Marooned in Rattle

Best in Show in Lighten Up Online

Thumbelina Moves On in The Hopkins Review

Love Poem in American Life in Poetry

Enfant Terrible in Lighten Up Online

Walking In on People, read live at Writers & Books, Rochester, NY, Sept. 2014

Two Poems at 2013 Able Muse Book Award Winner Announcement

Three Poems in Mezzo Cammin


What Some Poets Would Say If They Were Around for National Donut Day in McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Six Hundred Years of History, Explained by April Fools' Day in McSweeney's

I'm the Couch You Left at the Curb, and I Am Pissed in Points in Case

My Shower-Mold Teacher in Little Old Lady Comedy

The Seventh Sense in Little Old Lady Comedy

An Email to My Students... During the COVID-19 Crisis in The Satirist

Wes T. Satire... Is Dead in The Satirist

Bingeworthy New Kidlit Adaptations in Weekly Humorist

Who Are You Really? in McSweeney's

What to Expect After Implantation of Your Newterus in Weekly Humorist

My Crossword Life

Before You Drop Your Child Off at Camp Honestee in McSweeney's

How to Prepare for Nursing in Parenting


Can Tidying Up Your Home Fix Your Messy Life?

What Happened When I Tried to Stop Swearing

32 Nuggets of Wisdom (with a Twist)

How I Turned Weeping into Purpose in Mom's Last Days


The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy-Tale Reboots for Adults, by Melissa Balmain; illustrated by Ron Barrett (Humorist Books)

Walking In on People, by Melissa Balmain (Able Muse Press)

Just Us: Adventures and Travels of a Mother and Daughter, by Melissa Balmain; illustrated by Gina Ingoglia (Faber and Faber)

"To-Do," Houses and Homes Forever (Sampson Low)

"Marooned," Love Affairs at the Villa Nelle (Kelsay Books)

"Dorothy Parker's Ghost Weighs In on the New Political Climate," Nasty Women Poets: An Unapologetic Anthology of Subversive Verse (Lost Horse Press)

"Song of the Braball," Bared: Contemporary Poetry and Art on Bras and Breasts (Les Femmes Folles Books)

"Eve Gives a Pep Talk," The Great American Wise Ass Poetry Anthology (Lamar University Press)

"Facebook Psycho," Killer Verse: Poems of Murder and Mayhem (Everyman's Library Pocket Poets)

"Fluffy Weighs in on the Baby," The Iron Book of New Humorous Verse (Iron Books)

"Mother's Little Helpers," Unbuttoned: Women Open Up About the Pleasures, Pains, and Politics of Breastfeeding (Harvard Common Press)

"When Mommy Met Sally," How to Fit a Car Seat on a Camel: And Other Misadventures Traveling with Kids (Seal Press)